The Proper Practice of Mindlessness

after Jon Kabat-Zinn

Consider each of your days a ribboned gift box
which, if opened with curiosity,
will reveal an alarm clock telling you
not to panic. The chair may give way
under your rear each morning,
but your tailbone will welcome
the concrete floor’s
valuable contribution to the debate.
When you arrive back late
from a disappointing holiday
in Enfield Wash, and the key snaps in the lock;
you’ll realise that outside in the developing
hailstones is where you wanted to be
all along. Breathe
properly and the amphetamines
will just make you calmer.
Focus on the immediately,
if not sooner, and those steroid
tablets, washed down occasionally
with Champagne, will have you talking
nothing but common sense.
Live in the never
and you’ll be two whole halves
of the same self,
your Yin and your Yum Yum in perfect

KEVIN HIGGINS is Satirist-in-Residence at The Bogmans Cannon